I was asked to stop breathing

I lay limply in bed, my eyes unfocused, my breaths becoming shorter every time.

Sometimes, I just feel like my body is asking me to stop breathing. Be it out of sadness, lack of energy or lack of will, I do not know, but I'm trying to find out.

This was a weird day. It was, in part, good. I wrote a short story on my other blog which I thought was great. But not everyone thought the same. And I've been drifting in and out of a sinking feeling of depression (and some anger).

My boyfriend (whose opinion I care about a lot, not only because I love him but because he is also a writer) said the story had bits that were "a little too personal". I did sort of base it on a real-life event, but I would never, EVER murder anyone. How could I? It's just writing. It's art. I had to exaggerate things to make them more dramatic and appealing.

I feel like I've failed, thus making me a useless pile of crap. But I can't change the story...It's my art. It's like asking Van Gogh to change his sunflowers into lilies because of popular demand or something.

I'm caught between my writing, which is one of the things I care about most, one of the hobbies I have successfully continued and possibly one of my outstanding talents, and my boyfriend, whom I also love immensely.

What to do, what to do...I don't want to talk to him out of fear that I will either end up feeling worse, that he will dump me or that something worse will happen.

But at the same time, I don't want to leave this hanging in the air.

What to do? Life is such a complicated thing...It's really hard to keep everyone pleased and everything balanced; there's always something tipping over.

So I'll just sit here waiting for my breathing to get back to normal, hoping it doesn't stop completely.


Edit: I think I feel better now cause I actually changed a bit to make it less..."Personal". Hopefully, that will make everyone feel more at ease about my mental condition.
(FYI, no, I am not a psychotic killer. My sole mental problem consists of ADHD, which is not even remotely interesting, but is a whole lot safer.)