You've got dibs on my heart

I couldn't sleep last night, even after I began the blog and wrote that one entry.

So, after I turned off the computer, I just sat there listening to music, and I felt this weird kind of throbbing sensation inside of me. I couldn't stop thinking about my boyfriend, either. And, a few songs later, I realized that I was...I don't know how to explain it...I guess I could say anxious, which drove me to write some really cheesy poems. It hurt me how I was feeling so much love for him and there was no way I could get it out. So I just fell asleep like that while listening to The National.

The feeling is still there, because I do love my boyfriend a lot, but it isn't fighting to burst out of my chest like last night. Still, I wish I could find a way to let him know how much I love him, because sometimes words just aren't enough.

And I guess it's weird that I get these impulses, but I think I know where they're coming from. Deep inside, I fear being alone or losing what I love, so I get a harder grip on what I cherish. That's another thing I've got to control, for I don't want to turn into some sort of people-hogging psycho or something. I don't think I'm on a dangerous level, but still, I have to watch out. Don't want to get anywhere near there.


On a lighter and brighter notice, I didn't miss my bass lessons today! And I'm making some progress. Hopefully, the teacher did not notice I haven't been practicing.

However, I'm thinking about going to another music academy or something of the sort after my 12 paid classes are over. This teacher doesn't motivate me much and I don't get a very positive feeling from him. But I guess I can always check YouTube for classes and whatnot. Hopefully, someday I'll be able to actually play a song and not hunch over the bass like the hunchback of Notre Dame.


It's midday; I still have the whole afternoon to finish the goddamn book.
But for now, it's time for lunch.

Toodles.