I wish I could begin with a more positive note...

So, I have no idea what I'm doing here. I just felt like writing about my life. I got kind of tired of writing about/through other characters.

Why third party, you ask? Because I always feel like the third party.

There's friend 1, friend 2, and me. I'm the awkward piece that's just placed there out of convenience or rather lack of anything else to do. I don't really know where I belong or just what I'm doing anywhere.

And really, my mind is always somewhere else. I have no damn idea where. I'm always trying to remember what I did last week, or what was such-and-so movie or book about...You get the idea. Basically, I'm a very, VERY scatterbrained person.

Hell, I can't even remember what I learned last week in my bass lessons...

That is just one of the many things that's wrong with me.

And, oh, I hate starting this blog on such a negative way, but I just feel a depression coming on. Another of the reason's why I'm writing.

It's not that I loathe my life; I don't! Believe me, I have a wonderful boyfriend, a nice family, a relatively new bass (I did lose my pick, but that's not a major issue in my life right now), and lots of things to keep me happy.

But I just get this feeling every now and then. I was reading this boring book (a summer assignment...blergh...I usually adore reading!) and then I began to reflect upon it and tried to formulate what I would say to the teacher once I got back to school. It was rather hard for me to remember every single detail, every critique and every sentence that made me furrow my brow with anger. Then I tried to remember other books I read (a fair amount, I believe; I won't say I'm a walking mass of literary knowledge, but I do have some experience) and I realized I have little memory of most of the things I've read throughout my life. Ask me about any book I've read before and I won't be able to say much. Or maybe I'll mess up the order of events. A lot.

And then, of course, is the issue of abandoning stuff halfway through. I've really got to work on this if I ever plan on having children.

I've always wanted to stick out in the crowd, to do something. But I never finish anything, and that has been pointed out more than enough by my mother, who is constantly poking and prodding me to get off my lazy ass and do something with my life, be that go out with people, find out about possible colleges and scholarships, tidy up my room, blah blah blah...

So, I don't know what to do right now. Perhaps I'll just go read that book out of lack of sleep and hope I don't miss my bass class tomorrow (again...), or I could keep looking for my damn pick, or I could study the stupid driver's manual (since my boyfriend didn't exactly help me study today, but I don't blame him, because it was mostly my fault), or just sit here listening to music and staring at the ceiling (which is what I do most of the time).

What have I done with my life? Have I done anything productive at all? I realize I've wasted so much time staring and listening and just thinking, and doing all of this just to forget about it and do the same all over again because there is nothing else I feel like doing...

I see it not as a lack of action but rather a lack of motivation. And what's worse is that everyone around me seems so motivated. It makes me feel like a useless stump of a person. So that is why I write to you, oh dear audience, in hopes that this so-called writing of mine will lift up my spirits and help me keep track of my messy life.

More later. I hope you keep reading, for this can only get better. Seriously, this post was a crappy, sad rant. Stick around for the next one.